Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
