does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
