One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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