Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
