I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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