Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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