Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
