remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We're too hungover to prance.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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