Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
