no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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