Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
