Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
