well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
