If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
