I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
