I CAN MOONWALK!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
