I puked a lego.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
