Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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