I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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