hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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