Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
