Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
