No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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