I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
