so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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