i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish life had little blips of pornography
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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