did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
