Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
