nut hugger
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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