he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
