His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
