They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
