jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
