I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
