I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
