Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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