I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
