Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
