I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
