Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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