Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
