apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
