I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
