I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
