a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
