I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i think i just lost a toe
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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