tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
