I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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