Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
