toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
